Things I Miss...

I've heard lots of opinions on the hardest period after losing a spouse. It's the first year, its the second year, its after my kids finished high school etc. I don't think the answer is the same for everyone and I know that we never stop grieving. I'm sure it will diminish in time and it certainly isn't as overwhelming as the first three months - when I struggled to drag myself out of bed. 

 There are moments though, things that happen, trips down memory lane that come with and without triggers - they take me back to a different time, make me long for his presence. Of late, I've been thinking of all the things I miss.

 Here is my list of things I miss - I suspect I'll add to it time and again:

 #8 I miss his opinion, thoughts on the matter and consultation on so many things - I know he would laugh at this and say, "You did whatever you wanted anyway." That was probably true sometimes, and sometimes not, but I sure miss having him as a sounding board.
Jack Fruit

#7 I miss having someone to share my day with, both in conversation and by sending photos - which I did of often throughout the week. Recently, I was introduced to "Jack" fruit. My first thought was to send a photo to him because he would enjoy it. But, quickly I remembered he's not on the other side of the text. I know he would've responded "buy one, let's try it."

 #6 I miss his practical jokes. On really hot days, he thought it was funny to turn on my heated seats while I was not looking. After sweating like a pig for a while it would dawn on me that he turned it on. He always denied it.

 #5 I miss having someone tell me, "you're taking that too seriously, let it go." (btw, this was long before Disney got a hold of the phrase). He had a way of keeping me grounded.

 #4 I miss realizing midway through the day that we were "color coordinated" which he did on purpose and thought it was hysterical generally by the time I figured it out, it was too late to change clothes.

 #3 I miss his company on car rides and the weird conversations we had about everything; life, music, death, politics, illness and family - no topic was taboo.

 #2 I miss having someone to reach over and touch in the morning. I still reach over, but his side is empty.

 #1 I miss knowing that there is someone in the world who would always pick me first in kickball.

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