3 Stacks

I've been thinking about clearing out Patrick's clothes, I go to his closet, open the door, look around and think "eh, not today." I've had friends and family offer to "help" go through this clothes with or without me, but this never felt like a journey I wanted to share. I think I've been working up to it for months, I've been selling items on the garage sale page, organizing, shredding and putting donation stacks together. But never quite making it to any of his personal items.

 I don't have to get rid of anything, I know that. But, it seems like an appropriate time to start. My aunt offered to make a quilt out of Patrick's t-shirts. She doesn't push, she just says, whenever you can get them to me. It's simply in my own head that says it's time. Some of my widow friends have cleared stuff out and some not, some of the ALS patients I knew gave their personal items away before they died. Patrick attempted a bit of this, but it really bothered me so he stopped.

 If I've learned anything its that grieving is personal - there is no standard plan for grief, no point at which decisions or things should be done... except, and this is important, when its time in the mind of the griever. Sadly, I know quite a few people who've lost spouses, and everyone does things in their own way, in their own time. I never really considered how personal clothing is, but it most certainly is and it conjures up so many memories and thoughts. 

 So I sorted his t-shirts into 3 stacks: for quilt, for PJs, and for donation. Throughout the process thinking...

 He wore this to...
It still smells like him...
It reminds me of...
This is when he was skinnier...
This is when he was heavier...
He loved this shirt...
He looked good in this shirt...
_____ gave him this shirt

 Or in Haiku: (my dad would appreciate this)

 Three stacks of t-shirts
Memories of him

To be honest, I only cleared out two drawers of t-shirts, not everything else, but it feels right. As for the rest of the closet, "eh, not today." 

 PS  Years ago Patrick found this tie dye shirt at a thrift store - he was so excited, said it was a Grateful Dead shirt connected to a "basketball team in Lithuania." I can't remember the whole story and the Lithuania thing is hazy - does anyone know the story?? I would love a trip down memory lane.

Other Patrick T-shirts



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