Remnants: The Quilt, The 'Vette and Other Stuff
After someone dies, smells, sounds and places whirl you back to moments of the past. These drifts in our memories are not controlled - they come unexpectedly. Something triggers you, and you're taken to a different place and time without a moment to think. Initially, I found these moments quite painful, a reminder of all that I'd lost. But lately I find these memories to be a comfortable reminder of the wonderful life Patrick and I had together. I've also found myself reminiscing about my father and grandparents who were such important people in my life.
Recently, Dave, the Produce Manager at Raley's was putting out various types of nuts for the holidays including chestnuts. He asked me, "have you ever tried these?" In that moment I was taken to Manhattan with Patrick before ALS, caregiving and all that stuff. For just a moment, I was in Times Square buying chestnuts from a street vendor with my husband. It was a cold November evening, Caitlin was with us, she was young teenager. It was such a sweet moment. I was brought back to the present by Dave repeating the question, "well, were they any good?" I told him, "I don't remember how they tasted, but it was a really good moment."
Nothing takes you back more than the personal items left behind. There are photos, of course, but more importantly there is STUFF. After 35 years of marriage there really isn't much I own that wasn't purchased together and has some memory attached to it.
At Patrick's funeral, his brother Sean, asked if he could buy Patrick's corvette. My immediate response was "no." I wasn't ready to give up such a huge piece of my Patrick memories. Sean was quite sweet about it, and said "I'd really love this memory of Pat, if you change your mind, let me know." Patrick purchased the 'vette' online, it had been neglected and left outside for a couple years. He loved it immediately, nursed it back to health, and we spent many wonderful weekends driving around. Every Friday he declared "Corvette Friday" and went to work with the top off (weather permitting) and corvette cap on. Through the ALS years the car spent most of the time in the garage, Justin, Sean and I would drive it occasionally, but a Corvette really needs a constant driver.
So after consideration, I called Sean and struck a deal with him, I'd sell it to him but with the understanding that I would get first right of refusal if he ever decided to sell it. So, Sean flew out, joined us for the ALS walk and drove it back to Colorado. When he sat in the car to go, I wept - true to Sean's nature he said "we don't have to do this right now, another time maybe." I said no, the timing was right, I was comfortable with my decision, Patrick would've loved for him to have it. For me the loss would've felt the same whether in that moment or 10 years later.
The corvette was headed to a better place, starting over with a new owner and life with someone who was already making plans to replace, repair and take it on outings and adventures. I'm glad the corvette has a new home and that Sean lives in Denver. It keeps my memories of the car intact and in the past. I do enjoy the occasional info on how the car is doing and Sean sent me this photo of the new Colorado license plate.... very fitting, for Patrick was a loyal Denver Bronco fan.
The griever makes their own decisions on what to keep and what not to. Do you throw things out, give them to others, donate to good will or keep. One of the most personal items is clothing. As I wrote previously, Patrick had many t-shirts from concerts, places and things he enjoyed - remnants of his life. These I placed in the hands of my Aunt Sherrie, for her to re-purpose into a quilt. Corrinne, Caitlin and I sorted through the shirts and determined which ones to include. It was a trip down memory lane.
Over the past few months, true to Sherrie's nature she spent a great deal of time consulting with us, making sure the most important shirts made it on the quilt and that elements of his life were not overlooked.
At Thanksgiving, Sherrie presented the quilt and the outcome was beautiful. This is one of those gifts that cannot be repaid and I will be forever grateful. Here is the photo of the quilt with me, Sherrie and Caitlin.
It's the holiday season, I hope the memories of past holidays bring you more joy than sadness (the holidays change as you get older, it is so bittersweet). With the new year approaching, may we you find peace and renewal. All the best to you and yours in 2020.
Recently, Dave, the Produce Manager at Raley's was putting out various types of nuts for the holidays including chestnuts. He asked me, "have you ever tried these?" In that moment I was taken to Manhattan with Patrick before ALS, caregiving and all that stuff. For just a moment, I was in Times Square buying chestnuts from a street vendor with my husband. It was a cold November evening, Caitlin was with us, she was young teenager. It was such a sweet moment. I was brought back to the present by Dave repeating the question, "well, were they any good?" I told him, "I don't remember how they tasted, but it was a really good moment."
Nothing takes you back more than the personal items left behind. There are photos, of course, but more importantly there is STUFF. After 35 years of marriage there really isn't much I own that wasn't purchased together and has some memory attached to it.
At Patrick's funeral, his brother Sean, asked if he could buy Patrick's corvette. My immediate response was "no." I wasn't ready to give up such a huge piece of my Patrick memories. Sean was quite sweet about it, and said "I'd really love this memory of Pat, if you change your mind, let me know." Patrick purchased the 'vette' online, it had been neglected and left outside for a couple years. He loved it immediately, nursed it back to health, and we spent many wonderful weekends driving around. Every Friday he declared "Corvette Friday" and went to work with the top off (weather permitting) and corvette cap on. Through the ALS years the car spent most of the time in the garage, Justin, Sean and I would drive it occasionally, but a Corvette really needs a constant driver.
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| Sean and the Corvette |
The corvette was headed to a better place, starting over with a new owner and life with someone who was already making plans to replace, repair and take it on outings and adventures. I'm glad the corvette has a new home and that Sean lives in Denver. It keeps my memories of the car intact and in the past. I do enjoy the occasional info on how the car is doing and Sean sent me this photo of the new Colorado license plate.... very fitting, for Patrick was a loyal Denver Bronco fan.
 |
| Go Broncos! |
The griever makes their own decisions on what to keep and what not to. Do you throw things out, give them to others, donate to good will or keep. One of the most personal items is clothing. As I wrote previously, Patrick had many t-shirts from concerts, places and things he enjoyed - remnants of his life. These I placed in the hands of my Aunt Sherrie, for her to re-purpose into a quilt. Corrinne, Caitlin and I sorted through the shirts and determined which ones to include. It was a trip down memory lane.
Over the past few months, true to Sherrie's nature she spent a great deal of time consulting with us, making sure the most important shirts made it on the quilt and that elements of his life were not overlooked.
At Thanksgiving, Sherrie presented the quilt and the outcome was beautiful. This is one of those gifts that cannot be repaid and I will be forever grateful. Here is the photo of the quilt with me, Sherrie and Caitlin.
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| Caitlin, the Quilt, Me & Sherrie |
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| The Quilt: Made by Aunt Sherrie |
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| Patrick Memory: Route 66 - What a Great Trip we had! "Get Your Kicks" |
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| My Memories of Patrick: Star Wars Fan, ALS Fighter and A Wonderful 50th Birthday Party |
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| The 'VETTE" |
It's the holiday season, I hope the memories of past holidays bring you more joy than sadness (the holidays change as you get older, it is so bittersweet). With the new year approaching, may we you find peace and renewal. All the best to you and yours in 2020.
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